Title: Unnatural Baked Goods
Dedication: Ana
Characters: Ichigo, Ishida
Prompt: cookie
It was purple with green spots. How was it even possible to create a concoction with those colors. This was a test. It had to be. There was absolutely no way Kurosaki expected him to eat that. Neither of those two colors could be reproduced in nature, yet somehow this idiot had managed to while baking.
The stupid thing was, he was just sitting there across from him at the kotasu holding it out. His expression was completely bland and at the same time expectant. Damn it. He was going to have to eat it wasn't he.
What if Kurosaki were secretly trying to poison him? Maybe it was some special shinigami cookie that was aimed at giving Quincy indigestion or just severe stomach cramps. Ishida's brows arched curiously. Perhaps it was an aphrodisiac. No, Kurosaki would never let him forget it if the sex between them got better because of some chemical enhancement in the cookie. He could hear it now.
"Ha! I can keep my dick up longer without some sex-laced cookie!"
No, that wouldn't do at all. Though it would have been fabulous Ishida didn't dare risk conceding Kurosaki anything in the bedroom.
ARGH!
So annoying! The idiot still wasn't budging. Wasn't his arm getting tired holding the cookie out like that? No of course not, if he could manage that ridiculous butter knife of his for hours on end then a stupid purple polka-dot cookie was no issue.
None of this would have been an issue had the stupid moron just eaten the ridiculous cookie he was peddling. The moment he'd suggested it, Kurosaki vehemently and with much disgust etched on his face, declined to eat the cookie. That had made the Quincy immediately suspicious of the bakery item.
Who really cared if Kurosaki had made them just for him. If he could not partake of his own cooking, then how the hell did that idiot expect anyone else to. Kurosaki wouldn't even let him try it with milk claiming that milk ruined the effect.
Who the hell had ever heard of *milk* ruining *cookies*!?
Further evidence of the cookies unnaturalness and ultimate tampering with.
Had the cookie been blue and white that would have been fine. But no. It was purple and green!!
Purple AND green.
Kurosaki really had no idea how much he hated, how much he loathed, how much he wanted to VANQUISH those two particular colors.
Those two colors invaded his dreams and nightmares. Nightmares of giant gold colored babies spewing purple and green gas from its deep cavernous mouth. Nightmares of a neon green pool of ooze slithering away while speaking to him and promising to get him.
OOZE was NOT supposed to talk. Ever. But it had, and he had both seen and heard it. Oh what he would have given for a bucket of water that day.
Kurosaki just did not understand anything about him. No, he just sat there looking more and more angry over a stupid cookie.
Suddenly the shinigami was on top of him. When had that happened!? He hadn't even seen him move! Damn that crazy speed of his.
Ishida struggled as much as he could. It looked as if Kurosaki's patience had grown rather thin. (It had been an hour since the cookie had been initially offered.) Now the idiot was perched on his chest trying to force feed the cookie.
It was a mighty battle with the Quincy bucking off the shinigami and immediately drawing his bow. Which would have worked, had he still had the ability to do so.
Cuss words.
Instead Ishida resorted to the next best thing. Dishes. First a mug. Mugs were infinite. They always seemed to appear out of no where. They were like that infinite ammo cheat in one of Kurosaki's games. Why did he have to cheat at games? Didn't that ruin the fun? But now with his seemingly endless supply of mugs Ishida understood the need for infinite ammunition.
Reaching for a mug, he came up empty.
Infinite ammunition didn't exist in the real world.
More cuss words!!
Kurosaki was fast approaching with the vile and putrid cookie. At any moment he would be on him and DOH. There he was and UGH. The cookie was in his mouth and ew it was on his tongue.
Hey.
Surprise lit the Quincy's face. It was actually pretty good. In fact, it was damn good. He wanted another one. Just what was IN this cookie. His gaze went to the kotatsu for the rest of them. Now he really wanted another one despite their freaky color. He opened his mouth to ask his lover for another when he saw the confident smirk on that face.
God, he knew that smirk, but had to know. "What's in that cookie, Kurosaki."
"It's from a recipe Inoue gave me."
Shit.
"Sweetened Eggplant and green m&m cookies."
He was going to be sick.